I Failed the Stress Test

                                              I Failed the Stress Test


When ever I have problems I write them down. Since I live by myself that's my way of dealing with them. I'm going to try to let you know what is going through my mind as I write this. I'm Scared.

Thursday
July 19th, 2012


 Usually I get a stress test every year but my Cardiologist  didn't give one last year. Opting to give me a full body scan instead. I always did great on the treadmill every year. I have been going to my Cardiac Rehab 3 times a week for the past 17 years ever since my Heart Attack in 1995. I didn't want to die and I never wanted
to go through that open heart surgery again so that's why I kept going. As of June 6th, 2012 my Cholesterol is down to

 Cholesterol 84
LDL...............33
HDL...............33
Tri..................90

 So I totally freaked out when the nurse called Wednesday morning to give me the results of my treadmill test that I had taken 2 days before on Monday June 16th 2012. I had stayed on the treadmill for 10 minutes and 15 seconds. I thought I had done great like I always do. But when the nurse called me she said, "There is a certain part of your heart that isn't getting enough oxygen which is a indication that there is a blockage." I couldn't believe what she had just told me. On top of that Rick's wake was that same day. So all of this is going through my mind. I immediately called my daughter and told her. I got very emotional and started crying. She asked me, "What can I do?" "Nothing," I said. "I just need someone to talk too."  Of course my daughter tried to calm me down and told me not to get ahead of myself and take it one step at a time. She wanted to know what the next step was. I told her, "They are going to give me a CTA scan of my heart and look for any blockage.They're going to call me to set up the CTA scan."

 I went to Rick's wake later that Wednesday afternoon. It was terrible to see him laying there. I couldn't believe he was gone. As I sat there looking at Rick, I couldn't help thinking, "Am I going to be lying there soon?" I know what you are going to tell me, "Don't go there. Take it one step at a time and see what the tests say." I know what your saying. But, I'm trying to write down what is going through my mind right now. 
  I went through this the last time I had a heart attack and by-pass surgery. I really didn't expect to wake up. I remember very vividly laying there in the operating room just before they injected me to put me under. I looked around this room and thought, "This is going to be the last thing I will ever see and I'll never get to see my kids again. I wonder what its like being dead," I thought to myself. At that point I accepted the fact that I would never wake up and I was calm. I'll try to describe to you how it felt to me. "Remember when you were young and Mom would call you to come home because it was getting late?" Well that's the feeling that went through me. "I didn't want to go home, I wanted to stay out and play but I knew that it was time to go home." That's the feeling I had.

 There was no sense of time passing by and in a flash I saw all the doctors and nurses around me pulling this breathing tube out of my throat. I was weak and had this feeling that I was going to die at any moment. All of a sudden I started getting upset thinking to myself, "Why couldn't I have just died while I was under?" I was scared.

 After Rick's Funeral Thursday, I went home to see if the nurse had called yet telling me when my Cat Scan would be. It wasn't long after when the phone rang. The girl at the other end told me that my Cat Scan will be on Tuesday the 24th of this month at 10:40 am. I'm anxious about this test and what it will reveal, so I asked her, "What if they find something? Will they keep me in the hospital?" She didn't know. I don't even think she was a nurse. She was probably just the one who sets up the CT Schedules. She told me, "A nurse will call you the day before and the morning of the test. You can ask her when she calls," the girl told me.

 They have to slow my heart rate down between 50 and 60 beats per minute in order to take the pictures of my heart. So the day before and the day of the test, I have to double the dose of my heart medicine. My blood pressure is already on the low side so I hope I don't past out after taking my pills. Well that's where I stand as of this Friday morning. It's a nice Day today so I'm going to take my camera with me and take a walk in the nature preserve. It's very peaceful in there.